you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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