Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
