omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
