I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
