I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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