I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
