Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
its not stalking. its research.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
