the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
