remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
