I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
