you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
