the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
