omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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