so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
