Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
