so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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