Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
