Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
