I puked a lego.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
