This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
