Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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