it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
