She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I have aggressive nipples.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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