and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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