wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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