She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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