how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
