I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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