Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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