My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
