I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
3 2 1 whiskey
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
