I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
