I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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