There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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