double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
PS: I just woke up from my shower
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
