I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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