just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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