I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
