at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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