call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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