she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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