i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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