question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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