he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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