Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
