I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
