Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
