I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
