Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
