Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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