Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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