you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Randomize
