1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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