this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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