Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When are your genitals available?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
