I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
